


The Message

by orphan_account



Series: Series 12B [2]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Doctor/Master is referenced/implied rather than explicit, F/M, Someone should take these characters away from me and also give them a hug, very brief mention of self inflicted harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:40:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23550211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The Doctor has some downtime in the TARDIS while Clara, Junia, and her fam are busying themselves elsewhere. She's got a message, and it's not good news.
Relationships: The Doctor/The Master (Doctor Who)
Series: Series 12B [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1685122
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16





	The Message

The TARDIS was homely, and it had been a long time since it had felt that way. Of course, the place had always been the Doctor’s home and she loved her ship dearly, but something about sharing the space with not just her fam, but Clara and  _ her daughter _ made the place feel even more like it was supposed to. The revelation that  _ she  _ was the Timeless Child had been enough to make her feel isolated in the world, but the family she’d surrounded herself with pulled her out of that. She couldn’t thank them enough for travelling with her, for giving her a purpose and for making her feel  _ loved _ .

Their last adventure had put everyone through the wringer, and they had all gone their separate ways. Clara had gone to see if the TARDIS had kept her old bedroom, Ryan and Graham had gone to rest from their respective injuries, and Yaz had taken Junia to play while the Doctor worked on fixing the ship. Nothing urgent that needed doing - but the red flashing light from before hadn’t gone out yet and usually,  _ usually  _ the TARDIS gave her a bit of a break between trips. She’d let Yaz take Junia for the time being so she didn’t have the controls blow up in her daughter’s face - and because Yaz and Junia seemed to get on quite well. Yaz had taken to calling herself  _ Auntie Yaz,  _ and the Doctor supposed the position was currently vacant - and one Yaz would fill perfectly. 

She hummed to herself as she tinkered and her thoughts drifted to Clara -  _ her Impossible Girl _ . She’d suggested the woman join them for one trip, but she wasn’t sure she wanted that to be the case. Clara held her hearts in her hand like no other Human did, certainly not for a number of regenerations, and she wanted her to stay for far,  _ far _ longer. She just wasn’t the best at talking about her emotions - Clara didn’t need to make her another set of flashcards but she knew the conversation required some thought on her part, before it happened.

“Oof--” The Doctor grunted, the TARDIS sparking as her wandering thoughts distracted her from the task at hand and she connected the wrong two wires together. “Sorry, love.” She said, looking up at the console with an apologetic smile. Talking to her TARDIS - now  _ that  _ was easier.

The TARDIS hummed back in response and the Doctor stood upright, straightening her back and furrowing her brow.

“You could’ve just told me it was a message.” She said, although she assumed that the TARDIS had been trying to take her back to Earth anyway - to find Clara and to find Junia - she couldn’t be angry at her for that. “Go on then, play it. Yes, I  _ am  _ alone, you can see that - what on  _ Earth  _ could be so personal that---”

The Doctor turned around and trailed off. Before her was a hologram of the woman she recognised only from the Matrix,  _ the first incarnation of Tecteun _ .

“What…” She whispered, and the message began to play.

“ _ Theta. If you’re hearing this message, then I need to tell you something very important. I am sorry for whatever has been done to you.” _

The Doctor, stoic and fearless in the face of countless dangers, stared glassy-eyed at the image before her. Her legs felt as if they could give way at any moment and her hands shook, grabbing hold of the console for some kind of stability as she shook her head. This wasn’t what she was seeing, this  _ couldn’t  _ be real.

_ “If you don’t remember this face, I am Tecteun. I am your mo-- No, I am the woman that found you. I am not your mother. I have performed acts on you that no mother should ever perform on her child. And for that, I will never be your mother. I experimented on you, I did irreparable damage to your body and killed you time and time again in the name of progress for my species, and I did not take you into account when I did that. I am unsure when this message will reach you, if it ever will, and you may have heard this apology a thousand times already - but you deserve it from me, now. I am just too afraid to tell you because I do not believe you will forgive me. The hurt I have caused both you and your friend in the name of science is something I can never undo. I owe both you and Koschei the deepest of apologies.” _

“What--” The Doctor’s voice stammered, her eyes widened, and she sunk to her knees. 

_ “I am about to test what I have found on myself. If it kills me, I can take solace in knowing that one day you will both receive the apology you deserve. If it succeeds, then I can only apologise for whatever it will be used for next. I hope that I live to see you receive this message, and that I have the chance to one day tell you in person how deeply remorseful I am. I loved you, Theta, with all of my heart, and I am afraid my desire to understand you may have driven you from me forever. You were my daughter, not an experiment, and I wish I had known that all those years ago.” _

_ “I very much deserve to die for what I have done to you, my dear Theta, and I know that I can never fix it. I hope, one day, you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.” _

The Doctor shook her head, tears falling down her cheeks without her permission as her bottom lip quivered. The image disappeared from in front of her and her hands let go of the console, moving to cover her mouth and stifle a sob. She tried to breathe but her lungs didn’t seem to want to work. She had a thousand more questions and not a single answer, but all her racing mind could focus on was the revelation that the Master had been implicated in all of this. Tecteun had hurt him, too. But why hadn’t he told her? Why had he lied to her, lied to  _ himself _ on top of everything else? Did he not know? Had the Time Lord’s done something far worse to him that had been hidden from even the Matrix? Why else would he have been experimenting on Junia? 

She tried to keep one very important thought out of her mind, tried to shake the feeling that the Master could have been something more than her oldest friend, but she felt her entire body crumble even as she fought it. Who else?  _ Who else  _ could she…

“No, that’s a lie.” The Doctor said, twisting her body back to face the console and lifting herself up slowly, leaning her entire weight on the ship as she stared at the central column, fists rubbing at her eyes until they were bloodshot and the skin was sore. “It  _ has  _ to be a lie.” Her voice shook, failing to convince herself. She had been angry enough that the Time Lords’ had hurt her, but that anger had faded as she dwelled on her own self loathing. The fact that they had hurt her closest friend, and by extension  _ her family _ , she couldn’t rid herself of the anger in her chest. Her hearts burned with the fury of a thousand suns and she screamed, louder than she ever had before, before her fists hammered furiously against the console.

The TARDIS whirred in annoyance as her circuits were shattered - nothing that the Doctor couldn’t fix - but in a desperate plea for the Doctor to stop. Time and time again she forced herself to hit the console, her knuckles bruising and bleeding after several repetitions. Physical pain was so much  _ easier  _ to process than mental, and it gave her something easier to focus her mind on. Small sparks spat from the broken console and landed on her skin, burning tiny patches that she ignored. She didn’t care. How could she? 

What more was there to uncover? How much more of her past had been stolen from her? How much more did she still have to learn?

# # #

The Master was a broken man, on his knees as he gazed up at the woman burned into his mind - every time he closed his eyes he saw her, the unspeakable damage she had done to himself and to Theta, to his Doctor. 

_ “...You tried to protect her, you tried to stop me from experimenting on her but I refused. I was blinded by my madness, my desire to understand, I did not realise what I was doing. I killed you for trying to protect your wife, and for that I know there is no forgiveness. I hope that, despite the pain I have caused, the two of you will find each other in every lifetime. I hope that your changing faces do not deepen the separation I have put into motion. And I hope, more than anything, that you find your children and are a better parent to them than I was to my Theta.” _

_ “I am sorry that you both have to forget the lives that you have shared together, but the council thinks it best that my actions are removed from your memories. If you ever see this message, I hope you find it in your hearts to forgive me.” _

His bottom lip shook and his teeth gritted, breathing heavy as he tried  _ desperately  _ to channel his hurt into anger. Anger, madness,  _ rage _ , it was all so much easier to deal with than the blow that had been dealt to him. And for once in his life, he found himself incapable of such emotions. The truth that had been hidden from him all this time… He had hidden his involvement with Tecteun from the Doctor, but even the Time Lords had neglected to include this truth in the Matrix.

“Junia…” His voice broke as his body doubled over, arms wrapping around himself as he tried to make himself as small as possible in his dark TARDIS. “I’m so  _ sorry _ .” __

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry.
> 
> Any personal grievances can be aired in the comments or on tumblr - find me at queermoonie on there too!


End file.
